1) Sometimes there are just things that are
wrong. Plain wrong. God love these people, but they really need
to be taken aside and be made to look in a mirror. Take, for
example, the woman, somewhere around 22 or 23, about 5 feet
1 inch in height. Beautiful blonde hair, well manicured blonde
eyebrows, pale skin, red lips, in a slinky little dress in metallic
rusts, reds, silver and the occasional blue. Very buxom. Very.
Also, very Japanese.
2) Wrong 2 (too)... 5 feet 9 inches tall, black
hair colored at the ends with some flourescent red stuff (split
ends galore) wearing a clingy floor-length number in sheer black
featuring 5-inch wide see-through panels sewn in from armpit
to lower hem. Very easy to see that the only thing she had on
underneath was a little black thong. Oh, did I forget to mention
that she probably weighs in at near 180? The effect on someone
else, perhaps alluring and sexy. The effect on her? Be afraid...
be very afraid!
3) Take a man, about 55 years old, and allow
him to sample dozens of fine examples of the distillers trade.
Then toss in that he swings his arms when he talks (and moreso
when "in his cups" I would wager). Put him in front
of a $175.00 bottle of 29 year old whisky and then watch as
he tips the bottle over, towards himself. He just stood there
looking at the whisky leaking out of the bottle and across the
table and down onto his shoes. Luckily the person manning this
table got the bottle upright before more than about half of
its contents spilled out. And the arm-swinging man's concern?
"Thish is going to ruin the shine on my shoes!" and
away he walked.
4) For this year's "you really should maintain
eye contact" and "don't judge a blonde by her bra
(or lack of bra) size" award, please see most of the men
who stopped by one of the small-batch bourbon distillers' tables.
There was a wonderful, beautiful in every sense of the word
woman there who happened to be wearing a dress that accentuated
and partially displayed her breasts. I watched more men fail
to look her in the eye than I think I have ever seen. I, too,
peaked but I also maintained eye to eye contact as I spoke with
her (very knowledgeable about her product). She had a marvelous
sense of humor. If you go to one of these events and see her
(sorry but I forgot which distiller she works for) you will
recognize her. After my wife, look for the most beautiful woman
in the room. Ask her about her Russian great aunt who fled to
Sweden taking only a few of the family jewels. Then ask to see
her ring. Beautiful!
5) And the Ya Had To Been There Award for the
evening goes to the man who, while my wife and I were standing
talking to Tom Bulliet of Bulliet Distillery (great small batch
bourbon only available in southern states and Colorado right
now), walked past us toward the open double door at the side
of the ballroom. Then, and with nobody near him, proceeded to
veer to his right and slam into the doorframe. He did the usual
back up and look at the doorframe as if it was the frame's fault
routine, then shook his head and walked out through the door.
We can only hope that he was staying at the hotel that night
and didn't go out onto the roads.
